Guilt

“Everything i’ve ever let go of has claw marks in it”

I don’t have many memories of when my parents were together

And maybe that is for the best because I don’t think any part of it was really happy

I remember when he finally left

Going through with the threats I felt were just empty

I remember the burning in my eyes

Hot streams of tears running down my face,

Staining my tanned skin

Maybe that’s why I cling so tightly to things that hurt me

I think that I find comfort in the things that overwhelm me

Harm me

I find comfort in the darkness of an ocean

Waiting until I can finally sink down into the shape spike that have been calling my name for so long

Ever since I left this situation you and I are trapped in I’ve felt guilt

And I can’t help but wonder if that’s what my dad felt when he chose another person over his only daughter,

Just like I chose myself over the one person who was pretending to cheer me on.